If You or Your Relatives Go to America …

What do the Chinese tell one another about the United States? What follows is a sampling of advice, from the State-run China Youth Daily.

Translated By Haywood Ho

March 7, 2006

Original Article (Chinese)

If you or your friends or relatives go to America, and the following events happen, don't think too much of it, because these things happen only in America:

In America, if you order a pizza and an ambulance at the same time, the pizza will get there faster than the ambulance.

In America, people will park their expensive cars outside their homes, while the garage is filled with worthless old clothes.

In America, people will use phones with caller ID and voicemail, but will never return calls.

In America, pharmacies will allow patients to hand in their forms at the back of the store, but allow healthy people to but their cigarettes near the entrance.

In America, when people order a double cheeseburger and a large fries, they may order a diet coke to go with it.

In America, banks will leave their doors wide open, but because of "safety" concerns, secure the fountain pens on the counter with string.

In America, there are many restrictions on under-eighteens being able to drive, but at the same time, the army allows teenagers of the same age to drive tanks and airplanes.

In America, people under 21 may not smoke due to health reasons, but people who are 21 in the army can use all kinds of weapons.

In America, politicians will use tens of millions of dollars to investigate an official whose mistress accepted a bribe of tens of thousands of dollars.

In America, you may go to court over a cup of coffee that is too hot; thieves that climb up onto the roof of your house and fall down may sue you, and robbers can also sue you because of your company's lack of oversight of their firearms.

In America, you can use ATMs while still in the car, and you may find that the keys were designed for the blind.

Chinese Version Below

到美国遇到这些怪事别犯傻

    如果您或您的亲朋好友到美国，遇到下列这些事别见怪、别犯傻，因为这些事只有在美国才会发生：

　　在美国，你呼叫救护车，同时又要一个比萨饼，比萨饼送货员肯定到得比救护车还快。

　　在美国，人们将豪华汽车停在家门外，而车库里堆满了不值钱的破烂。

　　在美国，人们使用带来电显示和呼叫等待功能的电话答录机，却从来不回复电话。

　　在美国，药房会让患者走到药房尽头递交处方，却让健康的人在一进门的时候就能买到香烟。

　　在美国，人们在点一个双层加奶酪汉堡和一大包炸薯条的同时，再点一杯减肥可乐。

　　在美国，银行会大敞大门，却出于“安全”考虑给柜台上的钢笔拴上绳子。

　　在美国，为不满18岁的人开车设置了种种限制，但是在军队中却允许相同岁数的人驾驶坦克和飞机。

　　在美国，不满21岁的年轻人不准抽烟，因为不利于健康，但是在军队中21岁的人却可以使用各种武器。

　　在美国，政客们会动用上千万美元来调查一名官员挪用几万美元给自己的情妇的贪污案件。

　　在美国，你可以因为一杯咖啡太烫而把咖啡店告上法庭，小偷也可以因为爬上你家屋顶后坠地而起诉你，抢劫犯也可以因你的公司生产的手枪质量不佳而把你告上法庭。

　　在美国，你可以找到坐在汽车里就可以使用的提款机，但提款机的按键却是专为盲人设计的。
 

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