Overseas Chinese Kids in America

Twelve years ago, my daughter graduated from kindergarten in Toronto with a hat on that was made out of paper. At that time my daughter didn’t understand English. She used to sit by another Chinese girl and listen to her English stories. This year, my daughter represented her whole graduating class and provided the welcome speech at her high school graduation ceremony.

I am not sure for how long the majority of Chinese people have believed that the U.S. is a children’s paradise and a young person’s battlefield. In the U.S., we see that Chinese kids are fighting, but we have to admit that the United States is actually a Chinese child’s battlefield.

In the U.S., Chinese kids are different from other kids. After we came to America, we expected that our children would learn and grow up with American children. However, Chinese kids are different from American kids after all. From skin color to appearance, Chinese kids differ so much from Americans, and even though our kids don’t mention it, they probably have that feeling inside of them. I discovered that Chinese children get along well with other Chinese kids in school and that he or she also gets along with other Asian kids well. This is fine in a city that has many Chinese people, but adjusting to a new environment is a huge challenge in communities that have few Chinese.

In the U.S., our kids need to take on cultural differences. The American culture has a great sense of inclusiveness, but Chinese culture and American culture are not completely the same. I was an adult when I left China and the Chinese culture was already deeply ingrained in my body. We don’t have to accept American culture, or we can choose what we accept. But the kids are different – their world views have not been formed yet and they are in between both the Chinese and American cultures. One side of them is from their parents and the other side is formed by American society. Perhaps some will say that we should totally accept American culture when we come to the U.S. However, everyone should remember the American vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin not too long ago. Her daughter was pregnant in high school. Americans might accept such a thing, but we Chinese can’t.

In the U.S., it is hard to do well in school. During [my daughter’s] high school graduation ceremony, there were about 300 graduates in the same grade, but there were only two students that had had an “A” for all seven semesters (the results of the last semester had not come out yet). American high school classes are flexible and although it’s easy to pass all the classes, it’s difficult to do well in all of them. American high school advanced courses (AP, Advanced Placement) are basically college courses and many American colleges accept these courses as college credit. Chinese kids in the U.S. are mostly in the top ten [of their class]. However, in order to be successful, they have to work hard. Many Chinese kids lack sleep during their high school years and many more Chinese kids eat their lunches during class periods. When kids have nice teachers, it’s okay. But when they have teachers that don’t want to see their students eat during class, they get so upset. After all, these are kids. Chinese kids are smart, but many American kids are smart, too. In order to stand out among all students, they have to make an extra effort.

In the U.S., it’s hard for Chinese kids to use their talents and abilities to the fullest. When prestigious colleges are recruiting, they often emphasize leadership. But leaders of student organizations in schools are chosen by elections. Because of the racial and cultural differences I mentioned above, Chinese children are often at a disadvantage during elections. Normally, Chinese children don’t play with most American children. How could American kids vote for them then? Chinese kids can become the presidents of some clubs, but it is difficult to be the president of the student association. Fortunately, Chinese kids have enormous room for growth in the U.S. so they can make opportunities from other aspects.

In the U.S., Chinese parents owe their kids a lot. Many American mothers are full-time mothers or they take part-time jobs. They can take their kids to do all kinds of extracurricular activities. However, parents work full-time in many Chinese families. The price they pay is that they don’t have time to take their kids to do all those kinds of extracurricular activities. Schools organize a lot of activities, but they don’t have time to participate. I think this is one of the reasons why Chinese children have better grades. They don’t have the conditions to participate in extracurricular activities, but they don’t want to give up either, so they have the positive attitude to do well in school. Every year there are many Chinese kids admitted to prestigious colleges, but if our kids can’t get in to prestigious colleges, we parents are responsible for it.

In the U.S., when Chinese kids apply for prestigious colleges, they often get rejected. When we parents come to the U.S., we all hope that our kids can get into a prestigious college. But the college admissions process has its own set of hidden rules. If you are born into a rich and noble family like the Bush family, the chance of getting into a prestigious college is higher because you will be able to donate money to your school and make your school look better by having you as their student. If you are born into a black or Spanish family, prestigious colleges will prefer you to others, making you a shining point of their college. As Chinese children, since every family cares about education so much, their kids have better conditions to apply. Because of this, prestigious colleges can raise the standards of admission for Chinese children in order to reduce the ratio of Chinese kids in prestigious colleges.

No matter if it is in China or the U.S., graduating from high school and getting admitted to college is the first step in the long march of life. Life is long, so I wish as parents we can understand and respect our kids more, too.