The Conversation that Didn’t Occur

This is how a conversation between the president of the U.S. and his wife could have sounded like.

The following conversation didn’t take place last week on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington D.C.:

“Barry, can you understand what this guy wants from you?” asked the first lady while reading through the opinion articles her devoted crew had gathered. Most of the articles in her hands analyzed the summit meeting between the U.S. president and Israel’s prime minister that took place that week and the speeches that each of the personages gave at the annual AIPAC conference.

“Whom exactly are you talking about?” asked her president husband while watching the thrilling basketball match between Georgetown University and the University of Cincinnati. “It’s Bibi I’m talking about. He is presenting you as a waiving compromiser who doesn’t do enough to save the Jewish State from the Iranian tyrant.” The first lady seemed upset. “Barry!” she raised her voice, “do you understand what he’s trying to do to you?” The president shouted: “Wow, what a crazy dunk! Michelle, you have to see this. Call your brother; I hope he’s watching this. It’s going into overtime – how tense. Just an amazing game.”

“He’s really annoying, this Bibi,” the first lady continued after a few seconds, observing that her husband was still watching the game. “On one hand he wants you to solve the problem in Iran, insisting that the world must wake up and understand that it’s a global challenge. But on the other hand, he gives the Jews a spearhead role in this conflict by comparing the situation today with the helplessness of the Jewish people in 1944.”

“Oh baby,” called the president loudly and eagerly, “what a great blocking.” The first lady stood up and walked around the room restlessly. “I just don’t understand how he could be so ungrateful. After all, you’ve emphasized in your speech this week that it’s an American interest to prevent Iran from gaining a nuclear weapon. Anyone who understands a bit about American politics, and Bibi is supposed to understand a lot about them, knows that it would be bad for Israel and its American supporters to be portrayed as a power that pushed the U.S. into another war in the Middle East. Especially after what these two professors wrote in that book of theirs about AIPAC’s immoderate power.”

Am I an influence?

The president got up from his seat. “Second overtime in the game,” he cried out. “I must wash my face for a moment.” After a few seconds he came back and sprawled on the bed. “So much heart they put into this game,” he poured out as the official gave the signal to continue the match.

“This nonsense of him,” the first lady went on, “to support the Republicans so provocatively.” She continued to turn the pages and went on to the next article, “and he’s doing this a day after their president stood on the same stage and declared how wonderful you are for Israel. Simply unbelievable. Doesn’t he understand how pathetic it sounds? The Democrats will remember this against him, after all. Why does he want to turn Israel into a state that is identified with one party alone? Doesn’t he understand that it’s against the interest of his own state?” The first lady returned to her chair and looked at her husband, who turned up the television’s volume a bit.

“It’s timeout, and the game is in its very last minute,” said the president, looking at his wife this time, and then added “what were we talking about?” The first lady continued to browse through the pack of papers in her hands and said “about the Israeli prime minister.”

The president was looking at the two coaches giving their players last instructions before the end of the timeout and the return to the field. “Ah, about him…” he said and added nothing more. “You know,” she suddenly said, “I wish that all those who wrote about how involved I am in the doings of the White House had witnessed these conversations of ours. You don’t listen to what I say anyway. I think I have no influence at all, although I need to… Barry… do you hear me?” The president turned up the television’s volume a little bit more.