Obama Wins by Being a Good Husband

If I were told that the Dutch guerrilla Mrs. Tanja, the “queen” of the FARC, fled Cuba for Miami, I would believe it. She dreams of inciting a revolution in Colombia and the U.S. — something she learned from “Mono Jojoy,” “Raúl Reyes” and the legendary Marulanda, ironically nicknamed “Tirofijo” (sure shot) because of his poor eyesight. At a beauty salon in Cuba, a hairdresser swears that Gen. Mora and the Dutchwoman would greet each other with a kiss on the cheek. Is it true? And if she goes in for the kiss?

The headline “Obama Admits Defeat” in El Tiempo would be the newspaper’s greatest goal. If they were to defeat the African-American Obama, thousands of us would be stupefied, including Rafael Manzano of W, Luis Carlos Vélez of Caracol Television, and Vicky Dávila and Rodrigo Pardo. Let me remind you that they play tricks in the U.S. — Bush stole the presidency from Al Gore by cheating in Florida.

Women and Politics

In the beauty salon, the women claim to love Obama for being a good husband, because he confessed to a magazine in California that he is very affectionate and flirty with his wife Michelle every morning. Bravo, President Obama … that won points with the fairer sex.

In the beauty salon, all 17 women support Obama. I do, too, but they still teased me about the $2 million spent on the U.S. campaign. And who pays for that? Certainly not the Red Cross or the Kennedys. I hope Obama wins so they stop driving Latinos off American soil, so they cancel the hateful blockade of Cuba, and so there is a role model for future black presidents in Colombia and South America. Which blacks could be president of Colombia? Piedad Córdoba is a possibility, as are Asprilla and my buddy Bruno Díaz. Sounds familiar.

There are women crying at the beauty salon. But it is not because of the criticisms of Pacific Rubiales or Claro “philanthropists” or because of the problem with Interbolsa, which caught the government off guard. They are weeping because Leonardo Favio — who gave them “La Bomba,” “La 46” and “La Jirafa Roja,” moving ballads to sway to with their boyfriends in clubs — has left this wretched world. I join Leonardo Favio in the chorus, “Today I cut a flower and it rained and rained.” The Argentinian artist and filmmaker was great, unlike the comic witch Lady Gaga, who doesn’t sing or dance but wears extravagant clothes and has an eccentric clientele that pays for her “exotic” antics. Hallelujah, and the pacifist political antics that we have to put up with these days. As I repeat on television, “good, good.”