We Are All Undercover Agents

If 4 million people have access to confidential information, is this information still secret?

Last week, Edward Snowden — whether he wanted to or not — gave a hug to the Russians, as the Obama administration proudly announced that the unemployment rate in America fell to 7.8 percent. In Washington, D.C. it is 5.5 percent and — apparently — one can still get a job there after college. Washington’s 5.5 impresses the country, but in May it was about 5.3. Officially, over the years, 44,000 new jobs have been created, but some federal employees are forced to take Mondays or Fridays off. The problem is that this “long weekend” is unpaid. And of course, those who want to get a job in Washington have to pass security clearance, just like Snowden once did.

Waterview Conference Center is a brand new skyscraper in Rosslyn, Virginia. Getting to this center resembles checking in at the international airport. In its conference rooms with the “dramatic” view of the Potomac River, think tanks like the Cato Institute deliberate, and on the fourth floor a bridge connects the Waterview with the luxury Hotel Palomar. Behind a long desk, there are four to six security guards who check employees’ ID cards and open the gates. They are all black, which contrasts sharply with the white employees (a young Asian shows from time to time). They make menacing faces and are aware of how prestigious their work is — they have passed the security clearance.

Nowadays, even storekeepers must have security clearance; not only those who work directly for the government, but also these carrying over boxes for the government’s private contractors. At the moment, more than 4 million Americans are given “top secret” clearance. Five hundred thousand of them are working for private contractors such as Booz Allen Hamilton, which hired Snowden, where 12,000 workers have clearance and access to the data which are likely to “leak.”

Regardless of what Washington thinks of Snowden, the conclusions are as follows: With such a large number of people having access to “top secret” information, leakage is inevitable. And this whole security clearance “legion” — created in America’s paranoid reaction to Sept. 11 — is a consequence of secrecy about everything. David E. Sanger writes in The Washington Post that for Washington, everything is confidential and everything is online. Bradley Manning downloaded documents from the embassy in Beijing while staying in Iraq; Snowden operated at a small base in Hawaii.

Among actually important “top secret” documents, there is a whole lot of completely unnecessary information, such as regular press releases.

To process such a huge amount of data a whole army of people, programs and money is needed, not to mention the fact that government agencies tend to duplicate themselves and often do the same job. If 4 million people have access to the confidential information, is this information still secret? And finally: Is it really surprising that among these 4 million people there is someone who will want to share it with the rest of the world? It is only a wonder that there are not more Snowdens or Mannings.

It is why we need the unemployment rate of 5.5 percent, lack of civil courage and this feeling of deep gratitude that emanates from the city. It is so fantastic that the government still gives us a job!

Washington’s residents are no different from other mortals: They drive when drunk, snort cocaine and have enemies and ex-lovers who wish them the worst. That is why going through the security clearance process is a pretty stressful thing. They will check everything, including one’s previous place of residence and former roommates; they will go through the plethora of contacts, suspicious “friends from abroad” and references. Informing friends that “someone will call you with regard to my security clearance” is already a routine.

One of my friends asked me not to mention the mutual friend who had introduced us. She is from Afghanistan and her status is unclear — her documents lie somewhere in the Immigration Office, still waiting for a decision. Another friend does not ask for anything, but it seems somehow obvious. I am not going to tell them about his impressive tolerance of alcohol and parties till dawn. Instead, I will say that the boy is an angel.

Alex, a 30-year-old graphic designer, used to work in a small private company. Now, he and his girlfriend live in a new apartment. The monthly rent is $2,000, not including fees for the garage, but the views of the river, the Washington Monument and the Memorial Bridge are worth it. It’s an ideal apartment on July 4, when the most beautiful fireworks explode over the monument. Alex just got a job with a government contractor — with his own office and a significant pay raise. The problem is that Alex smoked marijuana over the last 10 years — once a week, but still. In his last job he was granted only basic security clearance and he managed to fool the random urine test. But now it’s no picnic; he will have to take a polygraph test. If he does not pass, he may forget about the job. Telling the truth is not an option either because “they would probably employ someone who has smoked grass from zero to 25 times, but I think they would have to say ‘no’ to a person that did it a thousand times.”

Alex is worried, but he has a plan. He is going to cut his big toe with a knife. “Like Cinderella’s bad sister,” he laughs. “While answering each question, I will press the wound to the floor,” he explains. “And when they ask me about drugs, I will do just the same.” And if it does not come off, then goodbye security clearance, goodbye fireworks, goodbye Washington, D.C.!