My Country: Spies For Hire

According to reports originally published in The Washington Post and The Guardian — the work of American journalist Glenn Greenwald — Jordan is third among the nations that the U.S. spies on the most, second only to Iran and Pakistan.

The report states that 7.12 billion “acts of spying” have been committed, including the gathering of electronic communications and telephone conversations coming in and out of Jordan. Jordan sits on this list directly after Pakistan, with 13.5 billion acts of spying, while Iran is in first place, with 14 billion.

The message to readers is that America, that loving darling, does what is expensive before what is cheap. The U.S. has chosen to forgo providing milk for its children or crutches to the elderly in order to focus on spying and listening in on the gossip of teenagers, our choice of toothbrush or what type of pants we are wearing. There have been 7 billion acts of spying on our country?

There is no doubt that this has cost several billion dollars, but allow me to assume that it has only cost $1 billion — forget the rest. Let me suggest that the [Jordanian] foreign minister start a campaign, in cooperation with the Ministry of Planning, called “e-Back.” This would convince the Americans to spend billions of dollars more, so that we reach a point where we send a them copy of every email, tweet, Facebook post and Instagram picture we produce, even those that advertise male enhancement. Sending copies of all these things to U.S. intelligence agencies would spare them the trouble of collecting them, but it would all have to be translated.

We could build a National Center of Spying (On Us) and hire some young, ambitious and unemployed Jordanians. They could translate these conversations into English, explain the colloquial terms, concisely summarize them and submit them to the Americans in completely finished form. And this could cost $1 billion? Impossible!

We could learn from this experience, widen our intelligence centers and sell this information to the Russians, French, Germans, people of Comoros and Monaco, Costa Rica and Ireland — and all of the nations of the world, except for the brutal Zionist enemy. In return, we would get billions of euros, rubles, Yuan and all other types of currency. Please, wire these currencies to us. We would become wealthy and comfortable in exchange for selling our electronic gossip to the world.

For the theft of thieves

And the enjoyment of the corrupt,

We would receive so much money … in every known currency.

[A fortune] beyond compare …

Really, I don’t know how you can run your lives without me!