The Next Sheriff: And So the Disemboweling Begins…

If I have understood correctly, the Iowa caucus marked the beginning of the election of the world’s number one sheriff, and Donald Trump has not kicked his Republican rivals to the curb (quite the opposite, in fact). Ted Cruz thanked God after his victory, and indeed support on that scale was needed to finish in first place. The pope must be feeling jealous of this would-be Don Camillo’s direct line to the head honcho. This is because, as all the candidates believe in Him, the winner must have something really extraordinary to become God’s favorite. It’s almost like cheating — God doesn’t get involved in elections, except for in Iran. Well, we could also argue that each voter is a little part of God. Let’s just hope that in France things happen in a more secular manner. Money will play a less important role because instead of “in the dollar we trust,” we have less faith in the euro these days. Over here the job of president looks less fun, as we cannot say there are millionaires falling over themselves to be candidates. There is Bernard Tapie, but he’s not exactly at the top of his financial game, especially if he has to repay the money. It may not sound likely, but the prospect of a God-loving crazy man becoming the next leader of the planet is nonetheless somewhat worrying. In Hollywood, he will be known as “Planetor.” You get the impression that our own sheriff, however, will be in charge of a smaller county. At best, he will become the real boss’ deputy. We are secondary voters, on the outskirts of democracy.

Then there is Marco Rubio, who hopes to make his mark between Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. Rubio’s peculiarities look almost normal compared to the other two. But is it obligatory for a president to be normal? The fact that normality has become an electoral argument speaks volumes about the current state of democracy. We should also force candidates to take some tests, as it’s too easy to kid yourself that you’re normal, and the public should have the right to verify that it’s actually the case. There’s an exam for driving a car, so why not one for being in the driver’s seat of the world? The consequences could be catastrophic if a sadist or a hardline masochist were elected.

Between the Clintons and the Bushes, it looks like a family saga straight out of “Dallas” — several generations with oil in the background (and Jeb Bush is like black gold at the moment; he does not make the cut). Who, male or female, will be the next Bobby or J.R.?* Imagining François Hollande’s and Nicolas Sarkozy’s children and spouses squabbling over power in 15 years’ time is not overly appealing to voters. And what if it turned into Romeo and Juliet and their offspring fell in love? Would it end in horror or relief?

As we wait for the election of the next tomcat, the mice are dancing on all the battlefields. For Barack Obama, the possibility of marking his eight years in power with something beyond his half-censored Obamacare exists now or never. It must be hard for him to still be on the scene when everyone’s attention is turning elsewhere. It’s time to look on the bright side: “Donald Trump in the White House” would be huge if it were a television series. If I have understood correctly, there’s not a hair’s breadth between comedy and tragedy.

*Editor’s Note: Bobby and J.R. are two characters from the TV show “Dallas.”