There’s No Need to Be Friends (Christmas Wishes)

There exist patterns of thought. For example, the wailing refrain of the man on the street: “When are we ever going to restore normal relations with Ukraine?”

But why do we actually need “normal” (read: like those we had previously, before February 2014) relations with Ukraine? In order to do what together? Do you enter into good relations with a chicken or a pig you’re going to butcher for a feast? Do you need a good relationship? You don’t, and that’s a fact.

We’ve already made adjustments in order to do without the imports of agricultural products from this wonderful agricultural country to our south. We ourselves have regions with a promising agricultural future: Krasnodar Krai, Stavropol Krai, Altai Krai — and that’s not all. Buryatia might become our Argentina since it’s possible to pasture so many herds of cattle there. Meat will be the food of the poor, if it’s gone about in a smart way.

It’s for another matter that we need Ukraine. We need to divide up its territory, primarily with Poland, giving them the western portion and us our Russian-speaking lands in the east. I’ve been writing and speaking about this since immediately after 1991. It’s our land. I lived in Kharkov from 1946 to 1967, and I can attest that it’s Russian land.

We need “Ukraine” in order to divide it up. One might leave Ukrainian statehood as the nine regions surrounding Kiev, so that their nationalists don’t create problems for either Poland or Russia. They can go about in their vyshyvankas there, and read Taras Shevchenko to each other until they’re blue in the face.*

As yet, Poland is being stubborn, but that will soon stop. I’ve been observing how anti-Ukrainian sentiment is continuously growing there, and it’s encouraging to see. The Poles remember how the Ukrainians slaughtered more than 80,000 of them at Volhynia; one need only continuously stir up that Polish memory.

Poland — you must try to be reasonable — it’s better to divide up Ukraine with Russia than to thoughtlessly wait until Ukraine suddenly (with the West’s help), accidentally, possibly inflicts damage upon Russia. It’s already clear that it won’t inflict any! Europe won’t help “Ukraine.” It has its own problems on the way: the hungry and envious migrants have come to stay forever.

The man in the street even groans about the United States. “Oh, why aren’t we friends, America? Oh, America!” I won’t rail against America, except to say that its time has come to an end. The old woman already has shortness of breath. She tries, strains every nerve to rule the world. But she’s worn herself out with her punitive expeditions all across the planet; she’s tired, and her money has started to run out.

America ain’t what she used to be. Her mind was the first to go. Was it sensible to annihilate Saddam, who with a strong hand ruled over the Sunnis, the Shiites, and the Kurds alike? And now what’s happening there? They amused themselves, choked the life out of the elderly dictator, and got a little bit of pleasure. But they opened Pandora’s box (it’s from Greek mythology, hipster comrades), and out from it crawled such bastards, the likes of which Saddam had harshly but sensibly kept in the box.

And why did [the United States], together with a Europe that has grown noticeably foolish, undo Libya? There, the complex Gaddafi — son of a Bedouin and a French woman — induced hypnosis and fear in the population, and didn’t allow Africa to enter Europe. But the unpolished European rednecks showed up, and now look what they’ve done: four years after the murder of the Bedouin and French woman’s son, the bloody mess is only growing worse. Oh, you morons, you morons…

Having realized its own inadequacy, the U.S. is increasingly staying in the background, and crawling back to its distant continent to lie low. President Obama is nothing more than a symbol of America’s aging, of its degeneration. Just watch, they’ll elect Hillary Clinton and it’ll be a disgrace!

The United States should also be seen as a potential victim. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The U.S. can only be defeated by attacking them at home, in their lair. The Mexicans are fit to be the United States’ gravediggers. Russia should whisper dreams of revenge to the Mexicans, as there would be nothing better for Russia than a revolt by the 13 million Mexicans, and nearly 30 million Hispanics, who live in America.

All this is within reach, dear friends — but you still want to be friends with everyone. There is no need to be friends.

*Translator’s note: A "vyshyvanka" is a traditional Ukrainian shirt.