A Date in New York

Twenty years ago, the big city was fast because of the subway; nowadays, velocity is determined by anonymous dates.

This time it was I who was visiting my daughter in New York, and I had promised her a demonstration of speed. She thought it would be on an express train, but no, I proposed an experience with dating apps.

We chose Bumble, founded by an ex-Tinder feminist who created an option for women to decide and take the lead in all interactions. We went online to see what we would within a radius of 10 miles, just Manhattan. My daughter’s screen was filled with offers. As is well known, on cell phones, the eligible selections show up on the right until a match is made. For my part, I achieved a match with a female high school teacher. My daughter and I agreed on a conspiratorial game. We would go on the dates together in the same place, and not for alcohol, but instead for hot chocolate in a traditional bar on Fifth Avenue. Lady X showed up, and truth be told, I did not like her. Her presence belied her photo, visual deception being common in these cases – and she was rude. I turned to look at my daughter at a nearby table and she gave me a sign of disapproval. Later she would tell me that her gentleman, despite having said that the date would be just to talk, suggested a night out on the town. Our ephemeral friends would later understand, a little frustrated, why we put them together in a chocolate shop and not in a bar.

New York is dominated by dating apps. Frenzy rules. Distance has an impact. Going from New Jersey to Brooklyn, for example, takes two hours. Manhattan prices are impossible. Jobs are overly demanding. There is no extra time for a pleasant life together with someone. Perhaps this helps to explain the rise of digital blind dating: straightforward in its goal, anxious about pleasure, and a fear of urban loneliness.

One goes to very successful rooftop bars to hear loud music and to drink. There is generally little conversation. The basic middle-class New Yorker goes crazy making money and spending it at the same time. I explained to my daughter that when I lived in this city 20 years ago, the big city was fast because of the subway. Nowadays, velocity is determined by anonymous dates, and the adventure of mingling and seducing for hours. Women are the protagonists in a furious world that asks for weekend pleasure while dating apps multiply.