An Angry Old Man's "Go F— Yourself!"

It was a bizarre appearance, so embarrassing that you wanted to close your eyes: Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood engaged in an imaginary dialogue with Barack Obama at the Republican National Convention.

In just a few minutes, Clint Eastwood, 82, succeeded in trashing his reputation as an actor and director while simultaneously showing that a Dirty Harry with early stage dementia should be locked away in an asylum for dirty old men.

Nobody asked Eastwood to endorse Romney for president two weeks ago but he did so nonetheless. Now he took it upon himself to pretend President Obama tells his opponents (in this case, Mitt Romney and Eastwood both) to do the anatomically impossible, namely: “Go f— yourself.”

Eastwood’s stand-up sketch depicting an imaginary dialog with Obama didn’t actually include the words as such, but they were clearly suggested. Eastwood’s self-destruction must have pained movie fans regardless of their political affiliation. Normally admired for his dignity and his mastery of understatement, he made a laughingstock of himself in the most breathtaking manner.

He Shed Tears of Pride

It was 10:03 p.m. (EDT) when the lanky star strode onstage, determined to make his mark as an impromptu political comedian-satirist. His groping for words was so embarrassing you wanted to close your eyes while he assured his audience that there were many moderates and genuine conservatives in Hollywood.

He mentioned Jon Voight, Angelina Jolie’s father, himself infamous for his extreme right-wing speeches and movie roles. He said he shed tears of pride on election night 2008, as did Oprah Winfrey and everybody else in Hollywood, even if they weren’t Obama fans. The freshness of “Yes, we can” moved him, he said, but he called the current situation of 21 million unemployed workers a disgrace and called for a new president who would rectify that.

One hoped that Clint would soon come to his senses and leave it at that, but it got worse. He began to speak to the imaginary Obama seated to his left: “Mr. President, how do you handle promises that you have made when you were running for election, and how do you handle them? I mean, what do you say to people?” He also pretended Obama told him to shut up.

Gibberish about Afghanistan

There were long pauses when the old man apparently searched in vain for funny ideas, making the episode even more painful to watch. “I can’t tell him to do that. I can’t tell him to do that to himself” was the first reference made inferring Obama was telling Romney to go fuck himself. The second came after some nonsense about Afghanistan and failing to learn from the Russians, and a reference to Joe Biden.

Prudish, morally upright women in silk dresses applauded enthusiastically. If it’s insulting to Obama, it’s great. Any time a Hollywood star praises a Republican for a change, one has to be overjoyed and not squeamish.

But Clint still wasn’t quite finished. Everything that distinguished his career abandoned him in Tampa: Perfect timing and the taciturnity that says far more than any idle chatter, a lack of sentimentality to the point of cruelty. An old, over-excited fool stood in front of people who worship him and gave them nothing but pain.

The Immortal Dirty Harry Macho Phrase

The old man snorted, “We own this country,” adding that “Politicians are employees of ours.” That brought fabulous celebration and thunderous applause. “You’re the best in the world.” That brought even greater applause. And then came the worst part — the immortal Dirty Harry macho line: “OK. You want to make my day? All right. I started, you finish it.”

“Make my day!” the crowd chanted ecstatically. For aging political circus clown Clint Eastwood, that was his cue to exit the stage; an angry old man felt his way behind the curtains, looking satisfied.