Terribly Polite, These Americans!

In Berlin, our columnist is seldom greeted in a friendly manner. During her stay in the U.S. she was delighted to find that polite ways of interacting have not died out there.

There are things in Germany that have deeply disturbed me for a long time. Among them is the loss of codes of conduct, which used to be normal. For example, either saying, “Pardon” or “Excuse me” or even “I’m sorry” after bumping into someone accidentally.

Nowadays you are almost knocked over at Berlin’s main train station, but no longer does a single word of empathy leave the perpetrator’s lips. Instead, they hurry away without looking right or left, and they do not so much as glance backward. Not to mention the friendly “Good morning.” It appears to me that this has almost completely disappeared in the German capital, or is at least threatened with imminent extinction.

In the bakery in “my” S-bahn station in the heart of the city, my use of this greeting produces an almost unbelievably astonished reaction, and outs me to some people as a real-life dinosaur. What a pleasant surprise spending the Easter period in Washington and Philadelphia brought me.

“How Are You Doing Today?”

In the allegedly mannerless United States, these so-called universal codes of conduct have been retained, something we in Germany can only dream of these days. For starters the friendly “How are you doing today?” still exists and, what is worth mentioning, is that it is not delivered sullenly but with a noticeable smile.

And then there is the behavior of people in a queue, simply unbelievable: There is no pushing or shoving, and no one skips anyone to try and get nearer the front. No, everyone simply waits until it is his or her turn — fairly, calmly and as it should be.

Even the checks on purses and shopping bags, which are carried out almost everywhere since the attack on the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001, are carried out quickly and inconspicuously.

Living Together in One Society

It is quite simply astonishing how smooth the flow of people in public buildings such as museums, shopping malls or train stations is. And that is surely related to the fact that there exists a finely spun web of well-practiced polite forms of address and a long history of mutual respect.

Unfortunately, there are an increasing number of people in Europe who dismiss this as hollow and superficial. Is it really though? Are generally binding and rehearsed codes of conduct not simply foundations for as smooth a communal existence as it is possible to achieve in a society made up of individuals? I, for one, would be pleased if we could resurrect some of them in our society.