Crazy Donald Makes Hillary Bearable

Completely absurd, this low-life Trump character. Crazy Donald. You see it right off: He’s a whoopee cushion from The Muppet Show. Older people thought the same about Ronald Reagan. George W. Bush wasn’t just a joke, either. In 2005, by the way, Sesame Street was supposed to introduce a new character, Donald Grump, complete with blond hairdo. But that puppet never made it onto our TV screens.

What’s so special about Trump? The hairdo? His bank balance? His mile-high ego? His noisy fuck-you-all attitude? That he always sounds like he’s on something? He insists he has never so much as touched drugs, alcohol or tobacco. Not even coffee. Just last week he announced, “I am a truth teller, and I will tell the truth.” Verily, verily, I say unto you.

I haven’t yet had the pleasure of admiring him up close as I have his competition, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz. Rubio, who promises to cut taxes, increase military spending and balance the budget, is being sold to us as a moderate. Which only goes to show what fearsome and dangerous territory America’s centrists have gotten lost in. After the latest brawl between Republican candidates on Fox News, New York Times TV critic James Poniewozik said, “I might have been shocked, once, at this whole debate — the hooting audience, the barking candidates, the NSFW content — but those days are over. The memory is already fading. This is our life now.”

Cruz Is an Extremist

To get to Cruz, you have to make at least three consecutive right turns. He’s an extremist. With an oily charm, he warns of a coming plague so he can pull the brightly colored little magic pills out of his satchel and hawk them to the crowd. Like Trump, Cruz also rides the anger train of those citizens who feel threatened and swindled, who are angry at everything and everyone in Washington. He combines the furor of the tea party movement with the anger of a Bible slapper. He comes off as if he can’t wait to give the first order to open fire. He’ll then say what he always says: God bless you all.

After 16 minutes of that, I had to get out of his presence to get a little fresh air. As I passed the policeman at the door I remarked to him that Cruz wanted to set the world on fire. The officer only responded by shrugging his shoulders. Then Cruz came out and waltzed through the crowd, shaking people’s hands. He reeked of megalomania — and fear.

We have to learn to think more paradoxically. We know Donald Trump favors capital punishment and uncontrolled gun ownership — he believes guns save lives — and thinks climate change is a hoax. But he’s not a warmonger. And on social issues like abortion he continues his rightward drift in order to please people like the Cruz fans.

So Trump is probably only the most obvious symptom of a decay that is much older than his candidacy. He is playing back a tune that has been recording now for over 40 years. That’s how long the share of the cake American workers get has been stagnating and shrinking. Ironically, Trump now plays the successful entrepreneur who can halt the globalization of capital and bring money and jobs exported to Mexico and China back to the United States. What a joke.

Or maybe The Donald is just the ultimate slight-of-hand trick to make Hillary seem more palatable to us.