Emancipation on Equal Pay Day

In German grammar, the English noun “dollar” is masculine (der Dollar) and on U.S. currency, from the one dollar bill all the way to the 100 dollar bill – only portraits of men appear on the obverse side. Now some women want to change that. Their first candidates are Eleanor Roosevelt and Rosa Parks.

In German grammar, money, in and of itself, is neutral. It is “das Geld,” not “die Geld” (feminine) or “der Geld” (masculine). Money, per se, is exempt from all discussions of gender. Now, some dogmatic women want to tamper with money when it comes to how much of it is paid to female employees, thus making it not completely neutral. So we now get worldwide Equal Pay Day when we are reminded of the difference in what women earn compared to men who do the same job.

Needless to say, there are many natural reasons for the disparity: Men need higher pay because they have to buy beer, because they have to drive flashier cars, because they have to keep the earth rotating on its axis, etc., etc. But I’ll overlook all that for now.

This Equal Pay Day happens on Wednesday in America but this one isn’t about equal pay for equal work, rather it’s about how blatantly masculine the currency actually looks, even if it’s called the “dollar” which should be neutral but obviously isn’t. The dollar is masculine.

And that’s natural, a gift of God, who created everything. That’s evident on the U.S. currency itself, from the one dollar bill to the 100 dollar bill: Nothing but male presidents and ex-presidents.

Now, a few women want to meddle with nature’s handiwork — to reshape the globe by introducing gender quotas on dollar bills. Among the first to be affected: Andrew Jackson, ex-president and founder of the Democratic Party and life-long stalwart John Wayne who battled against the unrepentant native Americans commonly called “Indians.” Instead of him, future 20-dollar bills will feature Eleanor Roosevelt, U.N. delegate and first chairperson of the preliminary United Nations Commission on Human Rights, i.e., for unprofitable art when you consider human rights.

Or an alternate suggestion: Harriet Tubman, a Civil War nurse who assisted escaped slaves to flee the South and go north. Human trafficking? And a third possibility: Rosa Parks, African-American, who in 1955 with strong 42-year-old legs refused to give up her seat on the bus to a white man. Or Wilma Mankiller, a Native American woman whose name probably says it all.

The world of women is already full of pretty strange ideas.