On Lecturing in Washington on Valentine’s Day

Holidays are special. Valentine’s Day and Halloween, for example, are still kind of foreign for us here in Germany. In America, on the other hand, they’re wildly popular. This is a report on how one can go wrong with roses and with giving lectures at the wrong time and in the wrong place as well.

Until recently, I’ve rejected every European attempt to imitate American holidays like Valentine’s Day and Halloween. Sure, they both have their roots in European culture, but in their current commercialized form they’re both definitely American. I ignored Valentine’s Day with a righteous attitude of man-versus-globalization. Or maybe it was just because I was unmarried and had no girlfriend. Then I met the Swabian girl of my dreams and bought her a dozen roses. She liked them, but mainly she was puzzled. “Valentine’s Day,” I muttered soberly, but my romantic gesture fizzled.

Then I totally forgot about February 14th until last year, but by the time I remembered, it was already too late. I was in Washington to deliver a lecture. My girlfriend angrily asked why I had to give a lecture on Valentines Day; nobody would come to listen, anyway. But a man has to do what a man has to do. Only members of the German Green Party and slightly confused expatriates would ever make the mistake of stepping into such a mess.

I was equally skeptical about growing numbers of German kids celebrating Halloween, but they seemed to like it so much I finally relented and laid in a supply of Duplos.* And it happened! On Halloween, I found six costumed kids at my door. And I had only bought five Duplo sets! I promised if they came back the next day, I would make it up to them.

But then something happened that snapped me back to reality quicker than anything and revealed to me that the cultural chasm between Europe and America wouldn’t be easily overcome. The kids nonchalantly said, “No problem, we’ll divide ‘em up later,” and threw them all into the same sack.

I stood there, mouth hanging open and holding my breath: “Divide ‘em up?!?” Obviously these little Germans didn’t understand the real joy of Halloween, namely, to get more and better candy than your friends! And the negotiations began that very same evening: 6 peppermints for 3 Duplos; 3 Duplos for a Snickers. All in one sack? Halloween for Social Democrats? Suddenly I felt a long, long way from home, but happy to know that globalization had finally reached its limits and I was on the right side of the Atlantic.

*Translator’s Note: Duplos are blocks made by Lego for younger kids. They are larger and easier to handle.