WikiLeaks Proves the U.S. Just Can’t

The WikiLeaks scandal blows wide open American arrogance and contempt for foreign intelligence bodies. What, then, are they good at? Sticking “diplomatic” nicknames.

If there is a certain something the documents published by WikiLeaks site prove with regards to the United States — it’s the creativity of the Americans in sticking tags and derogatory names to world leaders. The originality, diversity and brilliant ideas spring up almost from every paper. It is there, more or less, where American talent ends up. In everything concerning an active operation, you can mostly find hesitation, indecision and scathing contempt for the intelligence estimations of external bodies, or ignoring requests on security matters, even from the closest of the friends.

Israeli intelligence services are warning of Iranian nukes? Oh, they are just paranoid… As if this is not the only country till today that has prevented two countries from becoming nuclear on its own. As if those were not the very intelligence bodies, whose assessments the Americans so easily discarded, that knew precisely where and what they were, when speaking of the Iraqi or Syrian nukes. This is exactly the same arrogance which leads to the portrayal of the head of the Israeli Mossad as a pessimistic person in one of the documents in everything regarding Iran; while in another document, the Americans described him as “surprisingly optimistic.” Stunning. In the same way, one can paint the American psychological diagnoses as genius bursting inside of the river of stupidity.

Never mind that the Americans discount us, but when they fudge as well the concerns of the central oil suppliers, Saudi Arabia and the Gulf countries, this raises the bothersome question mark apropos the American ability to solve the Iranian problem. It’s a surprise to find that someone who has, in fact, failed numerous times in Middle East (Iraq, Afghanistan, and more) intelligence assessments and military issues, allows himself to wave off incoming reports from intelligence bodies planted deep in the field just like that.

It’s also bothering to get updates that the decision makers in America are ignoring requests of heads of the state who have breathed in the air of the Middle East for decades and are acquainted with the lunatics running the business in Iran, more or less like how the average American can recite the deals of the Black Friday by heart.

Who’s a “flabby old chap” suffering from “physical and psychological trauma”?

What do the dozens of the intelligence services and diplomatic departments of the United States do well? Chiefly, curse. Though in diplomatic language, of course. And in this way, the greatest of the friends of the biggest superpower find themselves in competition for the most successful insulting and creative nickname. The best of the diplomats are contending for the title. America is called a country of unlimited opportunities. Fairly so. Only in America do the French president and the Libyan ruler find themselves as equals in the list of the American witticisms. The American diplomat in France opens the competition with the moniker “emperor with no clothes.” The envoy in Russia releases and throws in the air the “alpha dog,” and “Batman and Robin” and the competition is starting to warm up.

At this stage, the diplomats are already feeling way more open-minded, and so the North Korean leader is granted the definition of a “flabby old chap” suffering from “physical and psychological trauma.” The guy from Zimbabwe is depicted as “the crazy old man,” and Muammar al-Gaddafi flies everywhere with blondes.

In the next few episodes, other fellows are expected to win no less flattering nicknames. Yasser Arafat is projected to get “Lady Gillette.” Bashar al-Assad will be named “the one with the mustache.” Hassan Nasrallah is going to be defined as a “human sauna.” And Netanyahu will suffice with “a charmer but unromantic.” By the way, if there is anyone in the world looking to pay the American president back with an epithet of his own — he doesn’t have to make that much an effort. “Just a failed basketball player who doesn’t know how to protect his face.”