The Presidential Mushroom

Sometimes, the bully is the victim of his own humiliating tactics.

His followers celebrated it at his rallies: finally, a president who allows them to again make the old and beloved jokes about blacks, gays (also known as queer jokes), prostitutes, horny spinsters, ugly and resentful feminists or Mexican rapists. Finally, someone who applauded their legitimate need for calling things by their name, and who would put the insulted white man back at the hierarchical level where he belonged, where, from above, he could behold the rest of humanity. In the name of humor, the president ingeniously mimicked a handicapped person. Needless to say, millions of people laughed at his joke. Why wouldn’t they? Laughter is always welcome; it helps ease tensions and allows us to violate rules. But only, that is, if the victims of those violations are other people, so we can later make fun of the offended ones.

President Donald Trump was smart enough to define any political correctness, even by those who suggested the need to stop using offensive language against humiliated parts of the population, as an attack on free speech, and gave free reign to resentful racists, misogynists and xenophobes to openly express themselves. A master move from a bullying expert, chosen by bigheaded folks who were crying out for someone to represent them. A leader who feeds on resentment and calls freedom that which is nothing short of insulting.

But it can so happen that one day, the bullying expert is dealt an unexpected blow where it hurts the most: the penis. He’s human. And it seems that the man who grabs women’s pussies is suddenly facing the fact that one of those women, porn star Stormy Daniels, whom he tried to silence with $130,000 so that she would not ruin his presidential campaign, has not only not stayed quiet, but has claimed that the presidential penis looks like a Mario Kart mushroom: It’s tiny, chubby and, sometimes venomous. To the tireless moralists, which is what they now call those who appreciate civility, this is unnecessary information, but it is true that, sometimes, surprisingly infrequently, the bully is the victim of the same ignoble means he uses. Silence from the man who has so often dismissed women due to their looks, who has brought up the subject of menstruation when someone posed uncomfortable questions to him, or who has branded his opponent a “nasty woman,” is telling. Suddenly, a woman discloses the size, shape and poor performance of a penis which, if compared to other men with such a body, would seem insignificant, and, oh dear!, the offender becomes a little offended. This proves that we all have a weak spot and that it is a good idea not to demand that others be invulnerable without first reflecting on our own weak spots. Trump’s weak spots have already been revealed; it’s not such a shock. But I’m not happy about this disclosure. It’s too much information. I don’t want that picture of a mushroom to disturb my sleep. Unfortunately, we’re entering an age in which dishonest means are increasingly becoming part of the public debate. Isn’t that freedom of speech?