King Number Three

Americans love dynasties, possibly because their nation isn’t blessed with a royal family. If they can’t have royalty, then please — at least political prominence. The Kennedys are naturally on the political dynasty throne, and because all the Kennedys with true potential died young — John F., Robert, John F. Jr. — they will be forever young and the leading political dynasty. Only the Bush family runs a close second.

But the Texans match the Kennedys and even more with their staying power: The Bush family history boasts two presidents already and now a third wants to join them. Jeb Bush, George’s little brother and George Herbert’s youngest son, wants to explore a possible presidential run. While he hasn’t officially declared yet, his wealthy business partners and friends reportedly stand ready to uncap their expensive fountain pens and open their checkbooks. In the United States, power and political success are defined by money, and Jeb Bush has the best arsenal available to help him snatch the candidacy from all the other candidates. But who needs a third Bush in 2016?

Even if Jeb — Oh God, his wife is Mexican! — is considered a moderate by the far right Republican tea party faction, he still punches all the right tickets: He’s anti-abortion, anti-same-sex marriage, pro-gun rights, and advocates lowering taxes on the wealthiest Americans. Plus, he stayed mum on the CIA torture carried out on his brother’s watch — which was totally unnecessary since a majority of Americans completely accept torture in the name of national security anyway. So even that’s no obstacle for the man considered to be the most intelligent guy in his family.

Stopping Jeb Bush will be up to the other American political dynasty — the Clintons. They’ve been scratching at the door for years to achieve ultimate dynasty status, held back only by trivial things like extramarital affairs and the first black president. Now, nothing stands in Hillary’s way.