She Believes in God, America, The Family and Firearms

Cyclone Gustav has departed. Cue balloons and music! In St. Paul, Minnesota, Wednesday September 3rd was a big day for Sarah Palin, Republican John McCain’s running mate for the White House. It was clear that the air of expectation leading up to her performance was not entirely benign. The pretty young governor of Alaska has found herself in a number of compromising positions recently, including such tomfoolery as the misuse of power – she apparently committed an abuse of office in order to persecute a brother-in-law she hated.

She also has a daughter in high school, 17 and pregnant already, while Sarah herself is a fervent Pentecostalist who preaches sexual abstinence for teenagers. But that’s a mere trifle. She’s a powerhouse – she’s almost a tank. Is she a battleaxe, even? That’s not for me to say. In any case, your humble servant was sitting before the screen at the crack of dawn this Thursday morning in Paris (Wednesday night in the U.S.) to watch live as Sarah addressed her Republican peers. There she was, with her hair in a bun and her glasses on, looking like a schoolteacher (or a librarian, take your pick) in her demure row of pearls. But at the age of 20 she was elected beauty queen in a small town in Alaska. In those days she was known as Sarah the Barracuda, a high school basketball champion with a harsh reputation. She has mixed memories of that beauty contest: “They made us line up in bathing suits and turn our backs so the male judges could look at our butts. I couldn’t believe it!” So Wednesday night in St. Paul was THE speech of her life.

She spoke about her admiration for John McCain, for the patriotic family values of the American heartlands, and for the small-town values which still respect mothers and former soldiers. And indeed she herself has five children, who lined up next to her on the podium, including the pregnant teenager and the disabled youngest child, and also of course her husband Todd, who works as a professional fisherman for half the year and, for the rest of the time, as a sales rep for BP. In a nutshell, she believes in God, America, the family and firearms. She describes herself as a “hockey mom,” a mother who attends her children’s hockey matches. “What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?” she asked the auditorium. “Lipstick!” came her reply, and the crowd was utterly delighted.

At the end of her speech, John McCain came up to kiss her and all her family. His graying temples gave him a gentlemanly air, and just then he looked for all the world like Monsieur Verdoux, the dapper family man who murders 12 women for their money, as portrayed so wonderfully by Charlie Chaplin. I guess you could call them Monsieur Verdoux and his pit bull.