Praise of the Cool
Published in La Presse
(Canada) on 4 July 2009
by Stéphane Laporte (link to original)
Today is America’s Independence Day. Have you bought them a present? I know - no need, our rich neighbors already have everything. They are the best, the finest. We listen to their music, we watch their films, we buy their products. They are the masters of the world, doing everything to make us jealous! At least before we could say that their president was an idiot. That was good for us. That restored our confidence. What good is it being powerful if your country is run by a dimwit? It’s better to be small and run by Charest. He’s no Churchill or Julius Caesar, but at least he knows how to eat a pretzel. Bush was a worldwide joke. We threw our shoes at him. He was the symbol of the American decline. We pitied our rich neighbors.
But since Obama, no one laughs at the Yankees anymore. Besides having everything, the Americans now have the superstar of world leaders. An ingenious orator, a composed, thoughtful, athletic, and open-minded man, Obama is a world idol. We would throw our bras at him. He is the symbol of American grandeur. Our rich neighbors piss us off.
My wife stops breathing as soon as he appears on television. Americans have gone from Homer Simpson to Brad Pitt. From the worst of idiots to the best of the best. Obama has such great presence that all the other leaders of the planet seem like parish churchwardens next to him.
And do you know what is Obama’s greatest quality? It’s the greatest American quality. The man is cool. He’s at ease in any circumstance, like only an American knows how to be.
Have you seen him swat a fly during an interview? A fly was flying around him while he was responding to a journalist’s questions. He stayed calm. A little slap of the hand, nothing more, and the fly was flattened. He smiled. He pointed to the insect on the floor so that the camera could zoom in on it. He never seemed annoyed. On the contrary, it amused him. That’s what cool is, it’s when everything seems to amuse you a little. But not too much, just a little. Even the dangers, even the pitfalls. Even being president of the United States.
The height of cool is Bugs Bunny. The clever rabbit is never disconcerted. Even with a hunter, armed with a big rifle, several inches from him, he nibbles on his carrot calmly. It’s no good getting worked up; that won’t help you escape.
It’s the best quality of the American people. Walk along the boardwalks of Old Orchard or of Wildwood, one July morning, and it’s easy to differentiate a Québécois from an American. The Québécois is nervous, hurried, he rushes to visit everything as if he doesn’t have the right to be there. He gets nervous seeing the sky cloud over. When he passes people, he speeds up to catch up with his gang. The American strolls tranquilly, pleased with himself. He takes his time, as if he owns the boardwalk. He looks good in his big beige Bermuda shorts. He is happy when a cloud gives him some shade. When he passes people, he says ‘Good morning’ to them, with a big smile on his lips.
The American takes advantage of life. The Québécois tries to make sure that life doesn’t take advantage of him.
American cool is not British phlegm. There is something aristocratic in British phlegm, there is distance, reservation. The English are content in their little bubble. There is something democratic in American cool, there is proximity, warmth. Americans are content in their extra-large bubble, with the whole world inside.
Of course, not all Americans are cool. They have their hysterical preachers, their crazy generals, their frustrated colonists. Nevertheless, they have enough cool to have elected the cool of cool to head their country.
The American government has committed atrocities: in Vietnam, in South America, in Iraq, and at home we only have to remember the treatment of Katrina victims in Louisiana. But with the power the country disposes of, it is silly to say, it could have been much worse.
This coolness moderates the ardors and ambitions of this empire. The friendly, easy-going side restores a human side to this giant.
On this 233rd anniversary of American independence, I hope that Americans will keep their friendly side for a long time to come, that they always try to have fun, but never at our expense, and that their thirst for profit never prevents children from being able to live. In short, I hope that Americans will show the path to peace that will, in turn, allow all people to be cool. If Barack Obama can get rid of the dark side of America, like how he gets rid of a fly, then the whole planet will celebrate the United States.
Happy birthday, guys! Let’s hope that God is cool with everyone!
But since Obama, no one laughs at the Yankees anymore. Besides having everything, the Americans now have the superstar of world leaders. An ingenious orator, a composed, thoughtful, athletic, and open-minded man, Obama is a world idol. We would throw our bras at him. He is the symbol of American grandeur. Our rich neighbors piss us off.
My wife stops breathing as soon as he appears on television. Americans have gone from Homer Simpson to Brad Pitt. From the worst of idiots to the best of the best. Obama has such great presence that all the other leaders of the planet seem like parish churchwardens next to him.
And do you know what is Obama’s greatest quality? It’s the greatest American quality. The man is cool. He’s at ease in any circumstance, like only an American knows how to be.
Have you seen him swat a fly during an interview? A fly was flying around him while he was responding to a journalist’s questions. He stayed calm. A little slap of the hand, nothing more, and the fly was flattened. He smiled. He pointed to the insect on the floor so that the camera could zoom in on it. He never seemed annoyed. On the contrary, it amused him. That’s what cool is, it’s when everything seems to amuse you a little. But not too much, just a little. Even the dangers, even the pitfalls. Even being president of the United States.
The height of cool is Bugs Bunny. The clever rabbit is never disconcerted. Even with a hunter, armed with a big rifle, several inches from him, he nibbles on his carrot calmly. It’s no good getting worked up; that won’t help you escape.
It’s the best quality of the American people. Walk along the boardwalks of Old Orchard or of Wildwood, one July morning, and it’s easy to differentiate a Québécois from an American. The Québécois is nervous, hurried, he rushes to visit everything as if he doesn’t have the right to be there. He gets nervous seeing the sky cloud over. When he passes people, he speeds up to catch up with his gang. The American strolls tranquilly, pleased with himself. He takes his time, as if he owns the boardwalk. He looks good in his big beige Bermuda shorts. He is happy when a cloud gives him some shade. When he passes people, he says ‘Good morning’ to them, with a big smile on his lips.
The American takes advantage of life. The Québécois tries to make sure that life doesn’t take advantage of him.
American cool is not British phlegm. There is something aristocratic in British phlegm, there is distance, reservation. The English are content in their little bubble. There is something democratic in American cool, there is proximity, warmth. Americans are content in their extra-large bubble, with the whole world inside.
Of course, not all Americans are cool. They have their hysterical preachers, their crazy generals, their frustrated colonists. Nevertheless, they have enough cool to have elected the cool of cool to head their country.
The American government has committed atrocities: in Vietnam, in South America, in Iraq, and at home we only have to remember the treatment of Katrina victims in Louisiana. But with the power the country disposes of, it is silly to say, it could have been much worse.
This coolness moderates the ardors and ambitions of this empire. The friendly, easy-going side restores a human side to this giant.
On this 233rd anniversary of American independence, I hope that Americans will keep their friendly side for a long time to come, that they always try to have fun, but never at our expense, and that their thirst for profit never prevents children from being able to live. In short, I hope that Americans will show the path to peace that will, in turn, allow all people to be cool. If Barack Obama can get rid of the dark side of America, like how he gets rid of a fly, then the whole planet will celebrate the United States.
Happy birthday, guys! Let’s hope that God is cool with everyone!
I don’t know about this article. My limited experience with French Canadians are that they all have a really dark side and seem to be born with extremely complex personalities. They’re also wonderful lovers. The worst thing I can say about them is they aren’t happy people, but that strikes me as being an indication that they’re realists. And when they’re lowlifes, boy are they lowlifes! They’re also highly neurotic and they always strike me as being desperate and fatalistic fugitives from some sort of dismal but unstated fate that’s waiting in the wings to swallow them up in the end. They strike me as being a sort of pre-historic French people, like if French and Neanderthal had gotten together for breeding purposes. (what an ungodly union!)
That said, I really like them. Particularly their women.