Renzi Visits Obama: What They’ll Say

In my role as the devil, I can see the future and reveal it to the readers of Panorama.it. This time, the meeting announced between Renzi and Obama.

Despite the rainy day, President Obama is waiting on the lawn outside the White House for the guest arriving from the other side of the ocean. Slightly late, a guy appears, not very tall in stature, very agitated, and talking frantically on his cell phone. Despite the fact that he is talking loudly and gesticulating, no one can make out any of the content of the conversation, expect for a series of aspirated h’s.

When the guest appears, the band begins playing the national anthem. With a discreet gesture, Obama calls over the national security adviser, the efficient Susan Rice, and asks her who this agitated man is. Rice whispers “Renzi, Italy,” into his ear. At Obama’s perplexed look, Rice, extremely prepared, adds, “pizza, mafia, Armani.” At this point, Obama’s face lights up; he, like all Americans, has a rather vague idea of Europe. He begins singing the Godfather soundtrack under his breath and is passed a small folder summarizing the topics of the meeting.

To recap, according to the White House, the two leaders should be examining topics of common interest — which are? Obama asks himself — while the Italian prime minister’s office says they should be discussing Libya, terrorism and Ukraine, but also other current global issues, like energy and climate change.

The Italian guest finally stops talking on his cell and moves forward, holding out his hand to the president with a shrill “Mr. Obama, I presume.” This phrase doesn’t mean anything, the two had already met in Italy, but it serves as proof of his fluent English to the Italian journalists.

Obama, not getting the vaguely colonial implication of the phrase — the same one that the great explorers of Africa, Livingstone and Stanley, used to greet each other on the banks of Lake Tanganyika after years of research — embraces his Italian guest for the television cameras, and the two reach the bandstand prepared for the press conference. Here the American president reads a short, set speech, in which he cites Christopher Columbus and Italy’s involvement in international missions.

Next is the turn of his Italian guest, who tackles each of the meeting’s topics one by one, in English of course. On the topic of climate change, he explains that “there are no more the half seasons,” so much so that today, he adds, “rains, government thief.” The American president, who at the first statement had looked questioningly at his interpreter, clouds over at the second. The immediate, discreet intervention of the Italian ambassador, Claudio Bisognero, prevents an international crisis: The diplomatic expert immediately explains to the American interlocutors that Renzi’s phrase was a refined metaphor, not a criticism of the federal government. As far as Libya is concerned, the Italian prime minister assures his listeners that the Italians are ready to disembark on the “Fourth Shore,” and that they will be victorious despite “owls and” — a moment of uncertainty — “rosicons.”*

Needless to say, Renzi, having finally reverted to speaking in Italian, goes on for a good half an hour about relations with Stefano Fassina and Susanna Camusso, the role of the Italian New Center-Right party, Italian electoral reform, relations with magistrates, the reform of RAI, Italy’s national broadcaster, and other fascinating problems in Italian politics — the only ones that the journalists following him are really interested in.

Obama, exhausted, finally succeeds in getting his guest through the door of the Oval Office, which, after the traditional photos, they close behind them, leaving them free for the private meeting.

The two men share a look and immediately understand each other without needing an interpreter. Both take off their jackets and loosen their ties. Obama takes off his shoes and stretches out on one of the comfortable sofas. Renzi sits at the president’s desk. They set the alarms on their respective cell phones for an hour’s time.

During that hour, the leader of the most powerful country in the world finally allows himself the nap that Michelle and the Republican Congress have denied him for so long. Renzi makes 22 phone calls, five to Luca Lotti, three to Maria Elena Boschi, one each to Alfano, Delrio (in disgrace) and Madia, all Italian politicians, and the others to the heads of leading newspapers and his fellow countrymen in his home region of Rignano sull’Arno — not quite believing that they were being put through the White House switchboard.

And then, at the implacable sound of the alarm clock, which stirs Obama from his dreams and Renzi from his phone calls, the profound exchange of views concludes. It’s a shame that it has gone like this: a real meeting between two of the most presumptuous, self-referencing and image-obsessed men that Western democracy has ever produced would have been a spectacle not to be missed.

*Translator's Note: "Rosicons" is neither English nor Italian. It's a nonsense word. But there's another dimension in that 'rosicone' in Italian is slang for 'hater,' or someone who's envious. So Renzi is clutching at what he thinks might be English but isn't.